The following is an abridged version of an important and lengthy Friday afternoon debate in 2006. Real names have been removed to protect the individuals concerned.
Designer: White bread or brown bread for toasting?
Account manager: For toasting white medium slice but for butties brown/granary all the way
Copywriter: Warburtons Toastie (white)
Account manager: Yeah – Warburtons Toastie white all the way!!
Account executive 1: I’m going to have to go with extra thick white. Smothered in butter, and a bit of jam. Brown bread……why would you??
The boss: Tesco Finest multigrain
Receptionist: Thick white with lots of butter. Heart attack toast – mmmmmm!!!!
Designer: The results have been counted and recounted and there is a landslide victory to…
White Bread 12
Brown Bread 6
GET IN WHITE BREAD!!! IN YOUR FACE BROWN EATERS!!!
Senior Designer: PEOPLE WHO PREFER WHITE BREAD AS TOAST HAVE ALL GONE WRONG FACT – ASDA MULTI GRAIN AND RYE OR NOWT FOOLS
Account executive 2: Bit of a curveball, but could a bagel be considered? Mmmm, stomach glue.
Copywriter: Disqualified on the basis that prior to about 1998, no one in England had ever seen a bagel.
Account executive 2: I humbly apologise for bringing this stateside impostor into an otherwise hearty British portfolio.
…withdrawn.
Milk Roll?
Senior art director: A bagel is what happens when you don’t put the correct ingredients together then BOIL it, Very wrong.
Copywriter: Seeing as the goalposts have moved now… Naan bread?
Senior art director: It’s bread, it qualifies, but ask yourself… naan with butter and jam, in the morning???…I’m tempted
Account executive 2: Not to be pedantic, but I think the original question was ‘best for toasting’. Good luck getting a naan in the Kenwood.
Account executive 1: Fruit loaf is also quite nice, but then I guess it’s just another variation to the good old teacake. Now they are a fruitful treat. Not sure if this comes under the bread family tree or not.
Senior art director: Fruit loaf…. F***ing fruit loaf??? Get home you jibbering fool
Art director: Can everyone use their f**ckin loafs and stop. Stop Now
Copywriter: There’s a slice of common sense
Senior art director: I’m not rising to that!
Copywriter: Dough!
Production: Whilst you’re all bantering on can someone come out of Synergist for me please?
Artworker: Typical
Account executive 1: What a healthy debate about bread, maybe tomorrow we could crack open the which came first chicken or the egg?
Designer: The chicken evolved… Case closed.
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